One man’s anguish over the tragedy that is the Xbox360.
This piece is guest-posted by Simon Woo
Come Saturday, I will be replacing my unmodded, play-original-games-only, followed-all-the-care-tips, used-only-to-game Xbox360 for the 2nd time within the span of 16 months. Thank God for extended warranties, but if i keep that piece of insolent garbage any longer i will surely be replacing it again.
The first time i brought it back was for the infamous 3RL (“Three Red Lights”) error, better known as the “Red Ring of Death”. Thanks to the extended warranty i paid for at EBGames, i had the luxury of having them replace it in-store with an equally dubious, older, refurbished (read: probably resurrected from death by 3RL) Xbox360. Wow, without that extended warranty i might have had to wait 2 weeks for M$ to replace my console with an an equally dubious, older, refurbished (read: probably resurrected from death by 3RL) Xbox360.
It is now 5 months after, between which I’ve:
1. purchased an extra cooling fan to prevent heating. thanks assholes! as if the console itself wasn’t noisy enough, now it sounds like a chainsaw with tuberculosis!
2. moved the console to a more ventilated area. great, now the entertainment unit looks cluttered with that white eyesore outside a shelf
4. never played more than 3 hours at a time on it. okay, this is just tragic.
5. ONLY played games that scored 8 or higher on IGN or Gamespot. i was playing Army of Two when i was hit by 3RL, so i’m thinking the console isn’t just incompetent; it also hates homoerotic subtext and mediocre games. *sigh* and here i was planning to play Beowulf…
Despite all the measures i’ve taken to prevent any further mishap, imagine my surprise when my prudence was rewarded… by the also-infamous “Unplayable Disc” error. from what I’ve read from despairing Xbox fanboys, this is a result of shoddy design that makes it possible for the spindle to be magnetized and de-aligned.
Seriously, Micro$oft?! not only did you give us a console with crappy heatsinking, you also managed to top it off with a junky optical drive?! what’s next, the control pad electrocutes me when i keep it too close TO MY BALLS?!! it feels like every console is possessed by a Fail Demon, checking every few days to see “hmmm… would we like to fuck up today? how about… now?”
i seriously would like to see how M$ plans to usher in the new console generation after such a terrible product. I’ve owned cheap-ass DVD players from Taiwan that played scratchy pirated movies much longer than this piece of junk; and you were selling these units at a loss?!
i swear, the moment i get that replacement console, i’m trading it in for a PS3. Sony’s fanboy army may be a nation of retarded fail monkeys, but at least their console doesn’t break down unpredictably like a psycho ex-girlfriend. I refuse to put up with this shit any longer, and I’m really not surprised that the PS3 is now overtaking Xbox360 in sales. i fucking swear, Xbox360 goes up on eBay the moment i get my replacement.
…as soon as i finish Gears of War 2. CURSE YOU XBOX 360!!!
Writer’s Note: No, sliding paper inside the drive DOES NOT SOLVE the “Unplayable Disc” error. Trust me, the cake is a lie.
Contributed by Simon Woo