How to become Emo

How to become Emo
(or how to kill yourself without really trying)

A lot of today’s youth is really having a hard time catching up with the latest trends in music, fashion and all things cool. Worry no more for with the help of the internet, I have found the epitome of cool.

So here it is, 5 things that’ll make you fit in with those uber cool Emo guys and gals;

1. Emo Hair
Before you even try to attempt being Emo, you must have the right hair do and clothes to fit right in. looking around the internet, I have found that there is only one rule to getting that Emo hairstyle:

Cover half of your face with your hair.

Sure, you’ll probably bump into a lot of things and spend 90% of your waking hours doing this:

But at least you’ll be Emo.

2. Emo Fashion

Emo Fashion is pretty easy, for girls, it’s basically Madonna’s 80s Fashion + Cyndi Lauper’s style and then replace all colors with variations of Black.

For Guys, just get the smallest black shirt you have and put on the make up your mother uses whenever somebody dies.

3. Poetry and Quotes
Emo Poetry are usually dark, sad and brooding, showing their inner hurting like when their father chooses to spend time tinkering with his million dollar yacht than spend time with their emotionally charged children.

Basic Emo poetry can be typically summed up as variations of:

“nobody understands/loves me, I wanna hurt/cut myself, oh god it hurts, get me some band-aids I didn’t mean it, oh god I’m sorry, I hate myself”

4. Music
Emo is basically about the music; they take their poetry and put music to accompany it. This usually just takes around three chords done over and over again to pull off.

I think this is where they got the idea that Emo is punk. Iggy Pop is yet to comment on this.

They are of course wrong about the genre’s origin.I have it on good authority that Boy George was straight up Emo and was documented to have single handedly started off the scene.

If you want proof just listen to his song “Do you really want to hurt me”.

You’re almost there! Just a couple more things and you’re in with the Emo crowd!
Girls can almost always fit in at this point, all that’s missing is a myspace profile with some photoshopped Emo pics to make them look hot, and they’re all set!
For boys however, you have one more step before you can truly call yourself Emo.

5. Emo Boys Kissing other Emo Boys
Yep you got it. If you want to be hardcore (oops, I mean EMO) you have to pucker up and smooch a fellow Emo boy.

According to one website “Emo boys kissing is the hottest thing in the emo scene. Usually there is no attraction behind the act of emo guys kissing. They just do it because they can, and they know girls think it’s hot! Boy, are they right, there is just something about it that makes chicks just want to see more.”

(I wanted to give you pics showing the above, but I just can’t find the balls to actually look at the linked site. So if you do, just let me know, ok?)

And that’s how to become Emo,.

Me? I’m sticking to hip hop.